Da Postmastr
by daPostmastrGeneral
Summary: A mysterious Postmastr comes to Hogwarts and everyone likes it... Except Dumbledorez!
1. Chapter 1

Chaptar 1

AN: Dis is ma first story so I hop u lick it!1 Plez review so I no if I shuld update da story wif more chaptas! Thanx Mega n Luck 4 da help U rock !

Harry Porter was wlaking done da hall and den he saw Tyler Milloy and then he said "go 'way u bastard" I dnt lick u anymore I found sum1 knew!1" "OMFG NOOOoooo!1, I even changed ma name 4 u becuz it used to b Draco n that is nut a prep name lik Harry and that is y it is Tyler now…"

Den frum da grate hall Dmubledoor yelled quietly enugh fro only da hall autside to hear "eat ma shepards pie Postmaster General harry loked in da grate hall and ran toward it."

"Dnt wlk away" Tyler sed (seee becuz it used 2 b Drake-o)"

"Sht up" porter sad, "I ned to portect da Postmastr"! Dis made Tyler sad n tried 2 find a noose.

Harry went into da grate halle and did nut lick wut he saw:: it was Rainbow Wesel the biggest f-ing hippy Porter ever saw (but dey r best friends becux they shar clothezzz)

Dumbledoor was shooving shepards pie down Postmaster Generals throat. "Gedoff dat burd Harry" yelled sarcastly. This mad dumbldoor luk up n see Harry. WigHead the Postmaster General wus still in his handz cuz he was feeding her da sheepards pie!

Hairy run towards Dumbledoor n he still did nut letgo. Rainbow Wesel tryd to pool Postmaster frum da grips off albo. "Stup tryin 2 help Postmastr" sez Harry, only I can live 4eva!1" "But I shoulder be da one 2 help u prep Rainbow said" "U cannot help becuz u are a hippy!"

Rainbow wesel run frum da Grat hall to cry and probz smoke tentacula leafs (becuz hes a hippy n resents his jew faith)

Harry Porter gut close to da Postmaster and Dmubledoor immediatlie let go becus he new he wuld kill him sience he killed Lord of Darkness and lightness nd everything in between wen he was juzt a babie.

"I haf confessions to do in front of da class" (he dinks he is important so he macks anoosements wen he wants).

Meanwhile Postmaster stood on dmubleDoor shoulders becuz it is a burd n dosen't no dat dumble trys to feed it posionus pie!1. "I luv WigHead the Postmaster General becuz she is hot n brings me ma mail"

Then….. Rainbow Wesel burst into da Grate Hall slowly (becuz he is tryin to stash a-way the tentacula) n sed "But I luv more!"

Harry looked at da Postmastr n she looked aroused becuz she is loved. He new dis because her fathers were fluffed n looked more sexy den never. Porter felt a urghe to tak of his clofs".

Den! Tyler comed into da Hail n said "Why you resent ma luv for u when I charged ma name!" and that was all 4 da day.


	2. Chapter 2

Chaptar 2

AN: Plz dunt flame ma story, if u do den u hate world peace! Rainbow licks da tentacula n wants every1 to be happy so don flame! Thanz for da help Meager n thmbz up 4 da train!

Harmony and Rainbow was in da conen room and den dey puled out da Tentacula leafs nd begun to smoke them becuz dey Hippys. Rainbow began to start to say about world peece becuaze dat is al Hippiys talk aboot. Harmony start to sing and she had a rly gud voice and so gud dat Rainbow tough she wuz sexxxxy even doh he was in2 birds lik da Postmaster Generall. Aneeway….

Harmony used 2 be hermononie, but she changed her nam 2 b lik da Hippies cause she DIDN'T LIK DA MUGLES!1

Meanwhile Vernon came into da connen roocm and saw "I am head of Gryferdoor! Here r my Drillz!"

We dunt lik ur drills, we lick wurld peece!" Rainbow and Hamrony yelled so loud that she had 2 stup sinning. Dey left da connen room den und went draussen (c dat wuz in german… thax Mega 4 teachun ma da German so I culd put it in dis story to promot wulrd piece!1)

Dey saw Harry Poter and Tyler Milloy theyre. Harmony said 'that is Porter and Tyler Milloy there' den at the same time Rainbow sed "They used to b boifrienz cause dey r both bi but naw Harry licks sum1 eltz" he told Harmony becuz she didn't no becauz she wuz a new student cauz she used 2 b a MUGLE!1

"Did u see da Postmastr Generla"? Harry den said 2 Rainbow "Dumbledum waz tryin to poison!"

"Ya" Rainbow said, "da Postmaster is sezzzzzy"!1 he sed exclaiming

"Yea' sed Porter, even tho he thought that 2! He was not gong to saw in front of Rainbow!"

"Well, bi!" Rainbow said surprisingly becuz he didn now he wuz gonna b wlakin away! Rainbow walked away wif Hamrony and dey prolly smoked lots!

(Becuz dis chapta is longr if u r out of tim stup here n cum bac latr!)

Tyler looked and it was Harry "Y u both luk da Postmaster?" Dis made Harry turn too Tyler! "You dunt understand! Ur just a Hogwarta student! And da Postmaster has feelingzzzz!1" nd he runned away.

Harry run 2 a random room in da skull, He cryed den he locked up and saw… Stoop!

"Porter! I no u lyk da Postmaster General!" Stoop cried menacly

"How?" Harry yelled

"because… becuz… becous-cous… becux… I liked da Post 1ce! Stoop screamed in agony.


	3. Chapter 3

Chaptar 3

AN: Thanx 4 da gud refews for da chaptars!1 BTW, If you flam den u hate wrld peace! An mrike ur suppozd 2 rit dis! Stup coloring! LOLJKJK

…..Harmony culd nut belief her eyes!

"Y did u do love that Postmaster General?" screamed Porter (He screemz becuz he is a prep)

"Snupstup said slowly (lick in da moovy where he talks) The… General… has…. Certain…. Actrations…." Harry said indeed nd Stup agreed.

"If u drink…. This spezial poshion I will help u get wif Postmastr General" Stup said.

Harry looked at Stup wif deep love becuz he new that he loved his father wen dey went 2 skull together but some hippy named Petunia Peace married him instead and made him straight (nut lick a line but close enugh 2 have children).

Suddenly harry sed "Give me da potione now so I cen haf Postmaster General b4 Rainbow takes her"

Ineed I shall but first we must ask da sroting hat! "I will convice Dmubldeoor to give us da hat 4 dis spezial occasion whitch he will give me becuz he trutz me even doe u does nut."

~ 1 yar l8r ~

"I've gluten da hat frum Dmubledoor" Stup said "I asked him all day yesterday n he says he understans luv so u can have da hat"

Harry sed vilely "I hav waded 4 a yar!1"

Now we put da hat on da head" Stup sex. Stup put the hat on Harries Head. After the hat was on Harries Hhead, he tok it off n sed "this cannot be". "U are destined 2 be wif Wighead the Postmastr General" Little did de know, Rainbow waz old enough 2 overher them. Rainbow told Harmony.

Hamrony sed "no" nd Rainbow smocked tentacula.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapta 4

AN: I need sum moore reviews 2 no if I shuld kept righting! Plz dunt flam doe cuz if u do den u hate world peace!

At dinner in da Grate hall Harry saw Stup, Stup saw Harry, Harry saw Harmony and Harmony saw Rainbo, he still wuz high from da tentacula leaves but nobody looks at him becuz he is a hippie n smells lick da houseelfs bathroom! Harry waz rlly focused on tlkin to Stup aboat how 2 get Postmaster n he overheard Rainbow saying he got sum new drugs form Proggessoorr carrotroot (Carrotroot secretly dealz drugs 2 students becuz every1 at da Warts school 4 majik licks drugz and it makes good money) p.s. (DUMBLDOOR KNOWS ABOUT DA DRUGZ BUT HE TAKES DEM 2 BECUZ OF HIS ILLNESS OKAAAAAY!111)

All off da sudden MADongal stud up and ask 4 every1's ATTN (lick on da evelopes to improtent ppl). Every1 gave her there attentshin. Proffessoorr Dmubledoor stud up. Tyler then yelled loudly be4 Dumble began tlakin and said: "Y do MADongal introaduse Dumbledoor everytime?/" Harry rolled his yes becuz he liks Postmastr now.

"Now" dumbledoor spook "Let da feest begin but 1st I will fire Stup. That is all." Tyler Milloy cheered but everyon knew dat they haf a seacrate relationboat (c, becuz its nut as big as a ship) that involves Ikarokaugh (the man frum Drumstring)

Then, 4 no reason, Harry Porter yelled Nooooooooo11" Because he neds the secret from Stup about how to get wif Postmastr!

"Finaly I can smock tentacula in da dungons wifout givin sum off it to Stup!" Rainbo sad, Harmony agreed by stating da same fact in Harmony even though she licked smoking it wif Stup (but dey don't lick eachodder dat way)

Becux Harry was so depressed he culd not eat dinner, Harmony sed how fast his face changed from prepzy to deepreseed. Harry said shut up or ill tell the skull that ur preggers. Harmony sayed that the bun in her oven wuz nut hus businus.

"Whose da dad nyway?" Harry asked in the form of a question. Harmony culd nut answer becuz Vernon juzt walked in and she blushed making speech impossible.

Harry left da Grate Hall angrily becuz he wantz 2 know da father. Harry went 2 da conen room 2 watch Mugglenews because he wants too know wut a Rubber Duck does. Den…. Stup bursts out of da fire very siriusly (C… I DO READ DA BOOXS)

"Harry, I do nut haf much time but I must tell u dis: 5 yars ago I wuz friered n I told u I would help u git wif Postmastr General!" Den, Stup whispered da secret so quietly da Porter had 2 where da indivisibility clock to hear him tell da secret.


	5. Chapter 5

Chaper 5

AN: Srry I did nut let u hear da secret, it is a secret only Stup n Sporter can no. Plz stup flaming da story. Der is a plot n im juzt tryn to support wrld peeece!1 If u dunt lick it den dnt red it okaaay? Da hole story is abut da Warthog skool n how da studnts act in skool, dnt b jelous of ma plot or u hat wrld piece!

Harry Porter wuz anger becuz he had 2 wade 5 yars be4 Snupstup helped him but that anger went away when he saw Rainbow Wesel smoking da Tentacula becuz he looks lik a high hippy wen he dus dat. Sumhow Porrter needed to git Rainbow a lone becuz he luvs Postmastr too and Harry does nut lick da competition.

To do da plan Harry azed Rainbow to go to jam-making class early wif him to get good seats near da jellys. Rainbow angreed n dey went. They decided nut 2 walk down da hall 2gether becuz den ppl might fink de are bisezual. (dey aren't lick dat but dey do shar clothezzzz)

Wen dey got 2 da jam room 4 class, Porter did wut he needed 2 do. Out came his wand and he stuck it in Rainbo's ear (it did nut go in all da way becuz Rainbow wuz high)

"Unbrokableis Vowis" Harry roared in da empty classroom. Rainbow flinched but porter did nut. An den the unbrokable vows was done and rainbow likd MADongal.


	6. Chapter 6

Shapter 6 LOLZ WHOOOOPS

Chapta 6 take 2

AN: OMFG STUP FLAMING!1 U ppl hate world peace! Juzt sit bac and re-lacks wif sum tentacula! Fanks 2 Mvrike 4 da Jammmm! U ROCK! Luck foken geet bac her n rit mor of dis story!1

Rainbow walke out of da Jam glass sudden because he needed 2 find MADongal.

"Where art thou gong?" the profs screamed at Rainbo. "Peace man, have sum leafs" he sed highly because he was hi on Tacula leafs and he gave da prof sum leafs cuze dat is wut hippies do but Rainbo is a hippy!1 (Geddit cuz he smocks)

Harry LOLZ on da flo becuasee Rainbo was hi but also becuz now he wuld no haf Post 4 himself nd also becuz Rainbow wood prolly get in2 trubble 4 giving da prof sum drugzzzzz!

Meanwhile Tyler was in da hall and he gut up and ran down 2 where he saw Rainbow who was hi. "hellow Rainbo I see u r high! NO I AM NUT!1" rainbow yelled statistically! "I NED FIND MADongle!" Den Tyler sed "I thut u licked Wighead?" Tyler pleased. "Oh right…." Rainbow sed (see…. Harry spell did nut last dat long becuz u haf to mean dem and Harry is nut strung enugh 2 do da complicatded spellz yet)

"I'll go back to Jam class," said Rainbow and he did and Tyler was confuzzed nd sad becuz Rainbow didn't lyke him. So we went 2 find a noose.

Rainbow was 2 hi to go back to Jam so he went 2 Proffessor Carrotcake 2 get more Tentacle leafs cause he gave his 2 prof Jam.

"Helloooow Rainbo Prof carrotkake smelled "….."

"Yes I ned sum new leafs cause I gave mine 2 anodder prof I hup I dnt ged in trubble."

"NONSENSE! HERES UR DRUGZ me boy" da Carrot screamed happily frum under da soil. "Now, go in2 da grate hal and giv deez 2 Dimwick he is in deer"

"Ok sed Rainbow and he went.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7 (this is da chaptr I talked aboat earlier! I found it in ma canyon)

AN: Surry 4 nut updating da story, I wuz and mega wuz in collgeg tryin to learn how to writ dis STROY!11! BTW my proffz lik dis stroy n wnt to try sum tentacula!

Harry was confused butt he new that HairyHarman would know wot to do. He wus confusied becux Rainbow never cam back to jam class n he had leftover mandarin spread that NObody wanted. Porter walked to da eagleclaw (see I changed da name from ravintalon to eagleclaw bcux it's a fanfixtion and nut da real story even doe its really cloose). N knocked on da door.

"Whose at duh bloody door" screamed a small child. Harry thought the scream sounded like a child nut HairyHarman. Hairymormon came 2 da door n opened it (becuz he wuz inside). Harry immediate said after taking a minute pause "that screm did not sound like you!"

*take a dramatic pause*

*get some tentacula n read on*

HairymanHar sed it was and harry didn't believe him. The door wuz only open a crak and harry porter asked wut he should do about postmaster. HairyHarMan sez "whenever I try to woe a burd I always play it sum trashy music and feed it…. WAI8888888T (surry for da txt talk) a minute

A minute actually "went by

Why u not ask your father about the ladies? He said perspectively.

Cuz ma fatha touched the reselecting stone n died porter said" happily because he knew HairHairyman would tlk to about sex with him. "Then I shall talk to you about the world of wizard sex" mormanHairy said.

Hairyharman begun to talk. "Play your burdy friend sum Mexican hatdance music…." AND THEN Harry found the source of the screemz.

"Did sum1 say Mexican music? Came a quiet voice belongs to" Duby! A kitchen elf. Duby wuz wearing a light blue bath roob and a thick blond wig (this did nut remind Harry of postmaster General though becuz they r 2 diff kinds of wigs). "Cum back inside the kitchen Duby said very sedeucively."

Harry screamed so loud that every1 in da caslte comed to Hagrids' hut. The proffessores were laughing n hittin Hairyhairymans on da butt and high 5ing duby but da students were either throughing up or acting secretly jealous (You wuld be jealous too!)

Den, Hairyman grew a foot tal1er, "I have an anoosement" Duby nd I haf been well, u know… playin da bagpipes!" Sum ppl gasped sum laughed an sum acted and cried out jealousy (Mr. flinch was one of da jealous 1s).

We figured tht since Duby is 7 yars old in elf time, if u convoy it 2 da wizard time, he is 107! Many teachers clapped.

Den, Duby said shyly but loud enough 4 every1 to hear, "I luv ur treacle tart nd dat black beard (ewww, nut da pirate u hippies). After dat the school left da hut and rainbow and harmony mad tiedye shirts becuz they lik drugs an evething is bettr in collars.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

AN: Ma notbook gut stolen n ma frienz wrote dis chapta. Sorry if dis nut mack sense. Plz dnt flam, Harmony iz a gud character okaaaay! She duznt kill da postmaster SHE WANTS WULRD PIECE!

Meanwhile in da hillsids of knew jerzee, volfemurt felt rainbow making the tiedye shirtz because of their connextions!

AN Part 2: Dey both smok tentacula leaves so sumtimes dey have these feelingz for eachodder okay? Dn't flame nd b hatin on der connectionz (dey r nut loverz).


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

AN: Dis chapta is pivotol in da plot! Pay Attention to da detailz. Stup flaming, DUBY AND HAIRYHAIRMAN LOVE EACHODDER, luv is luv. If u hat den u hate wolrd peace!1

Today MADongal decided to hold a danz class 4 da summer danz in augusta and she mad ppl pair up to practice da moovz (she wuz a 70's gurl n knows how to danz). Tyler tried to be partnerz wif harry but harry did nut want to.

Tyler had to danze wif Mr. Flinch whitch sux becuz he is a homosezual.

Rainbow n harry both went wif harmony but MADongal said no becuz postmastr general needed a partner and Harry Porter frogot he licked her. Pluz Rainbo n Harmony are druggies and religious posrs 4 wurld peece n Harry duz nut lik dat vary much!

MADongal strted da music an ppl danzed. Den, wif no warning. Rainbow pulled away from Harmony n stuped da music. "I haf an anoosement' when Tyler heard dis he left to find a noose. "I luv MADongle the whole room ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhed" and MADongal felt faltered which made her blush.

Den, Harmony spiked rainbows drink n he feel 2 da floor.

Den, DoubleDoor camed in an axed y there no music played. "nevermind" he said. The lavandar flowers dripping frum him. "Ive cum 2 kill the final whorecruckz!" WTF is a orcrucks Harry sed over da crowd of ppl!


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

AN: If u flam den ur a world piece hatr. Dnt hat8 on Harmony! She was jealous n she needed 2 get rid of da roofys so she gave dem to rainbow, plz dnt judge her cuz shes a nice bitch! OMG SORRY!1 I mean Witch!

Today the day wuz dark and not bright probz becuz Dumbldoor killed the last whorecrucks whitch is a piece of roten fruit transformed into a mammal or even human! Only dis time da whorecrucks wuz nut mammal or human it was WIGHEAD da POSTMASTR GENERAL!1111x

Rainbow tried 2 mack Harry fell betr but he wuz 2 high 2 care n he luvved MADongal anway. Aperenelty de r playing da bagpipes in da local band (its nut actually a badn okaaay…. Dey r just havin sezual contactz).

Harry also nodiced that Harmony wuz nut smoking da tentacle leaves wif Rainbow anymore n she was dressed normal, nut in her hippy world peace posr tiedie.

Mean while, Rainbo did what he dose…. Actin stoopid!

Latter in da dey Harry Porter went to Stups class and he xpressed his condalenses to him becuz he loved Postmastrat 1 time. Den….. Dumbledoor and the LORD of DARKNESS, LIGHTNESS and everything in between began dueling in class.

"I have alredy killed ur whorekruckz Lord Darkness!" "BUT I can get it back" he yelled so loudly that only dumbledoor could hear. "I no u came here 2nite becuz u need da blood of a student to bring bac Postmastr General demumbledoor yelled!"

"Indeed! I no just da student" Harry cum wif me if u want to saf Postmastr!

"How do u no I luv Postmastr?" harry axed directly 2 Lord Darkness, Lightness n everything in between?

He said back right to Harry, "my spy SnupStup haz told me abot ur crush on da burd n now ill help u n u will help me!" Den Dumbledoor raised his wand and stuck it in Stup's ear (it went all da way in becuz stup was nut high at da moment) "Especialarmis" he bellowed and stup fell to the floor….

Was he dead? I dunno. (I might ned him 4 l8r chaptas so idk if he is axually ded yet!


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

AN: HARMONY is a trubled gurl n not a Mary Susie okaaay! If u flam den u hate world pease.

B4 Harry culd go wif the Lord of Darkness Harmony stud up in da class. "I haf an anoosement to mack in frunt of da hole class" (Tyler got up fastly to find a noose). "I am in luv wif Postmastr General!1" The whole class ohhhhhed becuz nobody new Harmony wuz a bisezual Hogwarts student. Scientistz think she iz bisezual becux she licks world peace.

"Neither off u can survive will da odder lives!" sez Lord Darkness (he sez dis becuz dey do nut want 2 live wifout da Postmastr) (geddit cuz dey booth lick birds)!

Dumble sez do nut go wif da Lord of Darkness becuz if u save Postmastr den u will mack da bad man invicinble" "I donut car" said Harmoney nd Harry at once! "We want to saf Postmastr!"

"Tack my handz" sez Lord Darkness nd we can saf Postmastr" Harmoknee nd Harry Porter took his handz nd dey appearated.

De tree o dem reappeareated in da middle of a black lack dey randomly found nd automagically (geddit cuz Harry Porter is about magic) dey were surrounded by Denominators! Lord Darkness sed "if u mack it pazt da Denominators frist den u can save Postmaster General and live wif da General!"

"ECCEPTO PRONTONIUM" yelled Harry but only a small trickle of water leaked from the tip. Meanwhile Harmony thrust her wand into the ears of the Denominators and yelled da spell (do u understand? She wants dem dead so she can haf da Postmastr)

Da Denominators disappeared n Harmony could see da empty Whorecrucks in da middle of da iland (no, nut lik da iphone).

AND DEN, Harry noticed Harmony looked tired n she culd not run to the whorecrucks very fast. Harry begun running fastly BUT THEN he saw SnupStup nd Carrotroot appare and give Harmony a pack fo Tentacula leaves nd a lighter. Harmony smocked da leaves and regained her power n runned to da whorecrucks.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

AN: Dis is da last chapta okaaay! Im nut updating anymore an Harmony is nut a Mary Susie (She luvs Postmaster) IF u flam den ur a world peace hater.

Harmoney grabbed da whorecrucks and postmaster wuz hers. Harry wuz sad and did nut lick Harmony anymore, he called her a world peace posr! Lord Darkness stuck his wand in Harry's ear (it went in all de way becuz Harry wuz nut high) den Lord Darkness yelled "SIMPARIUS" nd he made Harry drown imself in da lack!

Harmony and Wighead the Postastr General tlked to eachodder nd found out that the Harmony was pregnant wif da Postmastrs baby!

AND DAT IS ALL!111!xxxxx

I hope u licked da sttroy!


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